AHHHHH FUCKKK MEEE I JUST BINGED!!! I ATE LIKE 20 OF MY GRANDMA'S COOKIES! I FEEL SOOOOOO GROSS AND FAT AND DISGUSTING!!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I HATE THIS! I JUST COULDNT STOP! THEY WERE SO YUMMY AT THE BEGINNING BUT NOW I'M JUST DISGUSTED! I HATE MYSELF! NOT GONNA EAT THIS WEEKEND! IM A FAILURE!
TODAY IS SO MY BINGEING DAY!!! I JUST HAD A CHEESE SANDWICH AND LIKE BABY BELL THE CHEESE!!!! OKAY TOMORROW AND SUNDAY AND MONDAY I AM NOTTTT EATEN!!!! I NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK! WTF! I DON'T WANNA GO ON THE SCALE TOMORROW! I'M GONNA WALK A LOT TOMORROW TO BURN SOME MORE CALS!!!
Friday, November 26, 2010
(: christmas cookies
Hey everyone
So I am gonna stop with the whole fasting. My grandma just sent me this box of her christmas cookies, and if any of you would have ever tasted them, you'd understand me :P
I made myself a rule that I can eat 5 every morning before 8, and that during the day I will only drink water, juices and tea, so that I can enjoy my five little christmas cookies every day, just that they will energize me and not make me fat (I hope)
So yesterday I was 57.3 kg I think, which is great (:
Today morning I weighed myself and was 56.7, which is also great, cuz I'm getting closer to my second goal weight of 55 kg. I hope that I will have reached 55 kg by tuesday or wednesday, because once I reach it, I have promised myself that I would ask my dad to go shopping with me over the weekend for new jeans... mine have become a bit baggy and are kinda fugly that way.
When I reach 53 kg, which I hope to do before christmas so that I can have one christmas dinner (my mom would not let me miss that), and not become too fat of it. Once I reach 53 kg, I will buy myself a louis vuitton scarf. I've wanted to buy one for like a week now, but never found the time. Today whilst I was thinking about going after school, I said to myself "no, only when you've reached 53 kg", so I'm even more motivated now.
I'm really happy that my grandma sent me the cookies I used to make with her (THEY ARE SO YUMMY), but for my losing weight I would kind of have wished she didn't. I know why she sent them though... I visited her in the summer for like a week, and had become skinny cuz I had been in camp and no one forced me to eat (Y). Whilst at her place I ate as little as possible, which she found weird since I find that my grandma is the best cook in the world and when I was smaller used to stuff myself with anything she made. But this time I only ate fruit in the morning, veggies at lunch, and a pot of cottage cheese for dinner. So I'm sure she sent me the cookies cuz she's scared I've become even skinnier.
I've decided to give some of them to my dad and some to my mom, so that they become chub instead of me :P (A)
I'll post something tonight probably when I'll fight my cravings for dinner. Until now I'm fine, which comes at no surprise since I just had 5 cookies :P (A)
<3
So I am gonna stop with the whole fasting. My grandma just sent me this box of her christmas cookies, and if any of you would have ever tasted them, you'd understand me :P
I made myself a rule that I can eat 5 every morning before 8, and that during the day I will only drink water, juices and tea, so that I can enjoy my five little christmas cookies every day, just that they will energize me and not make me fat (I hope)
So yesterday I was 57.3 kg I think, which is great (:
Today morning I weighed myself and was 56.7, which is also great, cuz I'm getting closer to my second goal weight of 55 kg. I hope that I will have reached 55 kg by tuesday or wednesday, because once I reach it, I have promised myself that I would ask my dad to go shopping with me over the weekend for new jeans... mine have become a bit baggy and are kinda fugly that way.
When I reach 53 kg, which I hope to do before christmas so that I can have one christmas dinner (my mom would not let me miss that), and not become too fat of it. Once I reach 53 kg, I will buy myself a louis vuitton scarf. I've wanted to buy one for like a week now, but never found the time. Today whilst I was thinking about going after school, I said to myself "no, only when you've reached 53 kg", so I'm even more motivated now.
I'm really happy that my grandma sent me the cookies I used to make with her (THEY ARE SO YUMMY), but for my losing weight I would kind of have wished she didn't. I know why she sent them though... I visited her in the summer for like a week, and had become skinny cuz I had been in camp and no one forced me to eat (Y). Whilst at her place I ate as little as possible, which she found weird since I find that my grandma is the best cook in the world and when I was smaller used to stuff myself with anything she made. But this time I only ate fruit in the morning, veggies at lunch, and a pot of cottage cheese for dinner. So I'm sure she sent me the cookies cuz she's scared I've become even skinnier.
I've decided to give some of them to my dad and some to my mom, so that they become chub instead of me :P (A)
I'll post something tonight probably when I'll fight my cravings for dinner. Until now I'm fine, which comes at no surprise since I just had 5 cookies :P (A)
<3
Thursday, November 25, 2010
FASTING: day 4
HELLO
I AM SO MAD AT THE MOMENT!!!! so today I went to have 'lunch' with a friend, where I obviously wasn't gonna eat but he's not the type to tell my other friends that I haven't eaten so I thought it would be safe... i was wrong
Just whilst we were ordering drinks I received an email saying I got accepted to st andrews, which kind of has always been my dream uni, so i called my parents and all my friends to tell them (: My mom was just nearby and said she'd 'drop by' to hug me and tell me how proud she is bla bla. but that 'drop by' was actually so to check that I was eating. When I told the guy that I wouldn't eat anything, my mom was like "NO YOU HAVE TO EAT! She'll have.. umm.. the pasta" i was like "NO! WTF I"M NOT HUNGRY" and she was like "no but you have to eat!!" and i was like "fine.. can i just have a plain green salad please" and so the guy brought me the salad and I had to eat like half. I feel so gross!! i didn't want to eat. and now I can't even call this fasting anymore! IM SO PISSED!!! AHHH!!! i wanna just get all that salad out of my system. I mean i know it's not lots of calories. but wtf!!! URGHHHHHH!!!!
I have therefore decided to extend my fast. When I feel like I need to stop now, I will continue! At least another week!! Except that it's been good. I mean since I ate the salad i'm obviously not hungry anymore! URGH I'm literally dreading to go on my scale tomorrow morning :S Today morning I was already 57.3 kg! which meant I lost like a kilo since the day before. but this fucked everything up. i hate it. i don't wanna eat ever again. food is gross. it makes you look gross. ah fml!
peace and love <3 (:
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Fasting: Day 3
Hey everyone (:
So I haven't eaten in nearly 72 hours now (: wow, seeing that number is such an amazing feeling. Okay, I must admit that this morning my mom made me eat two pieces of bread and 3 mandarines because I was shaking and could hardly walk, but I already regret I let her do that. I can literally feel the fat having already set into my love handles... gross gross gross.
But except that it's been going great!! I'm not really hungry anymore. Well I'm sure if I look at food I will be, but I try to stay in my room as much as possible, and during lunch breaks at school I either stay in school or I go home to take a nap cuz my friends would start to complain and I think I would get weak if I'd go have lunch with them.
Height: 1,70 m
Weight before: 59.something kg
CW: 58 kg
GW2: 55 kg
GW3: 53 kg
GW4: 50 kg
GW5: 48 kg
GW6: 45 kg
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)